[[[-----Sweet Dreams-----]]]]-----[[memories of us shall never be washed away]]

2011-11-30T20:37:00.015+08:00

HelloGoodbye

The Clique.
The above 2 pictures show us ( class) dedicating one of mrs lian's favourite song to her, I think shelia was looking at the lyrics from her phone.

Time flies I guess.

But I guess the memories will remain.

2011-09-30T23:02:00.004+08:00

Family

Met some of my favourite people recently finally after so long (:

Felt so much like home when with them.

Best JC girlfriends(: Beat was especially cute and sweet, she recently smsed Val secretly to take good care of me in school haha!Yay I love Val and Beat! It's funny really, how these girlfriends of mine make me sound as if i'm on some suicidal mode at times when i'm not. Recalled how in year one, Rach smsed me when I was tying up my hair in the school's toilet after like a mere 5 minutes, something like,' Quek, are you still in the toilet? you okay? Faster come back okay!!' , well simply because I was having a bad( moody ) day and i did not allow her to accompany me to the toilet haha! I guess that's what true friends are for (: Really miss having them in school a hell lot. :(
Heh, really enjoyed dinner. Food was good, company was good!

Besides s12, met up with some others too! Had to do it quickly since didn't have much time ;(

Really glad to have such friends in my life and even though they're not by my side, they've been giving me lots of encouragements, in different forms and I'm so thankful for them all. & so i came across a phrase recently , shall use it to end my post!

"Friendship is the comfort of knowing that even when you feel all alone, you aren't."

2011-09-11T12:21:00.001+08:00

It's not what I didn't feel, it's what I didn't show.

2011-09-09T00:20:00.003+08:00

I know there's a blue horizon,
Somewhere up ahead
just waiting for me,
Getting there means leaving things
behind,
Sometimes life's so bittersweet.

2011-09-09T00:14:00.001+08:00

" It's sad but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life starts with goodbye."

2011-09-06T00:41:00.002+08:00

Reality caught up soon after

2011-09-04T21:06:00.002+08:00

What...

What did i get myself into this time?
Arghhhhh.

2011-08-28T23:06:00.002+08:00

No Idea

So, I asked myself, "Who changed?" Was it me or you? Honestly I feel the same and I really think you were the one who changed so much. I do miss the times when we used to talk, tell each other stuffs, cheer one another up, really felt like sisters. Then time passed.... and things did change, a lot.

I have no idea.... but it's okay I guess, so long as you're happy.

Anyway! Totally love study sessions w some of my favorite people(: Not much time left, just gonna treasure whatever that's left. (:

2011-08-26T11:11:00.002+08:00

Complicated.

Never been happier that there wouldn't be school for the next few days or so. This break came just in time. Really need a breather way from that place. So agonising at times.

And nothing beats having a htht session with an old friend after school. No judgements, just pure talking and listening. I really like that, felt as if all forms of stress and angst suddenly disappeared within that few hours.

2011-08-21T21:20:00.008+08:00

But right now I wish you were here.

On some days, I really wish I had them in school. School's just really... not entertaining these days. & with each passing day, I get angstier. Need more patience.

2011-08-14T19:05:00.002+08:00

You got the talking down, just not the listening.

"People think they know you. They think they know how you’re handling a situation. But the truth is no one knows. No one knows what happens after you leave them, when you’re lying in bed or sitting over your breakfast alone and all you want to do is cry or scream. They don’t know what’s going on inside your head—the mind-numbing cocktail of anger and sadness and guilt. This isn’t their fault. They just don’t know. And so they pretend and they say you’re doing great when you’re really not. And this makes everyone feel better. Everybody but you."
-William H. Woodwell Jr.

Makes me frustrated everytime when people really do think they know me that well, stop judging from the surface would ya?

2011-08-11T23:31:00.003+08:00

Studying Bliss.

Short update.

I just wanna say that, Val and Eugene are really awesome to be with and to study with and am very thankful for that. Although Val is like the most pessimistic person ever (which makes me look like i'm the most optimistic pessimist ever), she's still funny in her own ways and Eugene likes to annoy the hell out of both of us by saying stupid stuff and making funny faces( occasionally he would be quite enlightening) , life's good at such times, even though it's tough right now. A new addtion to the clan this year, my cousin ,really makes it even more awesome and it's such a small world that everybody knows one another! Even S joins us sometimes now, really glad (: Plus so many friends showering concern over me, offering help, listening to my rants, be it friends in school (kwannie!) or outside ( homies, mamas, ts, s12 etc etc), i'm just really contented and happy (:

Alright! Like what the three of us were saying just now, or rather when E was finally making more sense besides all the funny crappy comments, it's like a 42km run, it's a mind game, we need to conquer this!

2011-08-08T23:06:00.003+08:00

All my life I' ve been good, but now
I'm thinking, what the hell.

Like seriously. Tell me how how how how to pull through. Sigh, rainy days are really comfortable, all you wanna do would be to laze in bed all day and there's one thing you'd really wish you could do - ....

For me to know, not for you to find out.
Sigh.

I think this year so many things have changed. Like be it in school or outside school, many things are just different, don't really like it... so i'd just mind my own business, safest that way. Like what E says, ' Don't bother.".

2011-08-06T00:08:00.002+08:00

There is no excuse my friend,
For breaking my heart,
Breaking my heart again.

2011-07-30T23:53:00.003+08:00

Another one to add on to my lovely collection.
Been so lucky, can't stress that enough. I'll just learn how to take things as it comes and treasure every single moment even if it's tough.

(;

2011-07-29T21:01:00.005+08:00

Like never before.

Random text messages, surprise letter found in the letterbox, handwritten encouragments and a personal delivery of sweets that came with an 'instruction' as to when to take the sweets, I've been pretty lucky. Lucky in a sense, admist all my busy schedule, tons and tons of work and my crazy life , little surprises do come by every now and then from the people around me and it really makes me happy.

Thanks people, I really appreciate it (:

& just about a day ago, a random text came from my primary school bestfriend. And I think her advice made lots of sense. " Don't bother." Yes, don't bother. I won't.

I miss hanging out with so many people!But it's alright I guess, just a bit more.

Gonna do this like never before.

2011-07-24T11:17:00.002+08:00

Once, twice, thrice, four times.
One would have thought I'd learn my lesson by now.

2011-07-19T23:11:00.001+08:00

Out of Mind, Out of Sight.

2011-07-17T23:12:00.003+08:00

"Blind"

I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as he turned around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like it was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

After all this why
Would you ever wanna leave it
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you will ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

--------------------------------------------

Really love this song.

2011-07-16T10:15:00.004+08:00

(;

Thank god for the 7 years and still counting. It's amazing how through a CCA, people can forge such amazing bonds with one another.

Jermy my awesome Soprano section mate and Beat!

2011-07-11T23:42:00.004+08:00

That One Thing.

There's one thing I seriously hate, people trying to barge into my life and trying to 'help' me decide what the hell I should do with it and where I should be heading to. Hate it when people try to make me conform to something of their choice, thinking ' hey, i think this is the path for you.' when you don't even know me that well. Fine, if I can sense you're sincere and you actually know what's going on but seriously, dont give me all the bullshit when firstly, you were never there to help, secondly you don't know what I'm going through and the extent of it and lastly, when you freaking don't even mean it cause come on, I know what you said the last time was what you really meant.

Sad to say, they think I don't know what's going on.
How wrong.

2011-07-04T23:54:00.002+08:00

Recharge 4 days to recharge was good. Firstly caught up with some proper sleep without having to set any alarms on my phone for the first time in ... I can't even remember. Secondly, caught up with some old pals, which made me very very very happy :D Quite easily contented at times, like even last week, sitting down after econs paper with Soon(who was in school at that time coincidently) to chat for a little while was nice (: & Annie and Huihoon so sweet, almost teared when I saw what they did for me!

Simple dinner with friends make me happy too. Miss these people so much, so many I have yet to see, haven't seen some in months! Wish I had more time.

But yup, here comes the next lap.

2011-06-30T22:57:00.002+08:00

Random

CSE papers never fail to make me smile. Most of the time at least.

It goes something like that each time,

1) Cross our fingers and pray for an essay on the theme that we've studied to come out before paper starts.
2)Flip paper anxiously over to scan the questions.
3)Flip the paper back to front page.
4)Observe friends around you, right about now we're all shaking our heads and grinning at one another.
5)During the paper- you look to the sides for a brief moment and you're next door neighbour looks back at you, still grinning and shaking their heads.

This is when you know, you're not alone.
HAHA!

2011-06-26T23:31:00.002+08:00

Blessed.

Okay I got to say something before I go to sleep.
I've got some pretty awesome friends. They kinda just texted and tweeted words of encouragements for my upcoming exams. Yesterday was like hell but I feel better after whatsapping one good friend for quite sometime talking about serious stuffs and some not-so-serious-nonsensical stuffs.That person reads my blog so I think that person knows who I'm referring to, right? Heh.

I feel blessed and I think I can go to sleep now with more courage to face tomorrow and perhaps, the upcoming week. Goodnight people.

2011-06-25T12:46:00.002+08:00

Sometimes.

Sometimes it's kinda hard not having the closest people in school to battle tough times with you. Not because you're not strong enough to do it alone but the fact that, their presence gives you the extra strength and courage to last through it. I miss S12 and homies being in school. I remember that very time I screwed up but I still had one more to go, was sitting outside the benches outside the lecture theatre feeling super faithless and coincidently s12 walked out from their geography lecture, their encouragements and pats on the shoulder kinda cheered me up a lot and also made me brace myself up again for the final round.

Another rainy Saturday.
Did I mention how I hate rainy days?
Hate the ~~doom~~ gloom.

2011-06-24T00:19:00.002+08:00

"LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOMGWTFBBQ"

Am really stressed currently, on the verge of pulling out my hair.

Today, I heard 'lololololololololololololololol' ( say it fast ) for probably more than a hundred times. V and I really felt like punching mahai in the face sometimes to shut him up but now,' lollololololololololol' is also currently stuck in my head too.

Seriously, he's probably the most annoyinglyfunny person both Val and I could ever get to know. Srsly who the hell replies to a qn this way,

'Eh, why she(junior) see you like so scared?'

" Of course scared ah,shock to see her captain in his f-ing glorious clothes what'

Blah blah blah blah.

2011-06-22T00:17:00.003+08:00

Act Only.

In the midst of all the crazy studying, got reminded of photos taken in the past. All pictures related to somewhat doing work. Actually, I just found them while browsing through folders in my computer awhile ago. The above photo was taken last year, our attempt at being good CSE students. Looks so convincing right, except that we were actually posing for the camera only!

& this epic photo, ha! I remember, it was in sec 3 and well... we had band practice that day, it was a saturday. Once in awhile, you get a little 'tired' after lunch and so we kinda sneakily ponned the afternoon band practice and went to the MP library to do some work instead,hoping no one knew, especially band related people. God, how 'lucky' we actually were, guess who we saw at the library too! Of all people, our band teacher in charge! Mdm N! We had to hide or else, seriously we're darn screwed so yea, trying our level best in the picture as you can see to disguise ourselves in our hoody so she wouldn't spot us. Btw, she didn't see us in the end, thank god (:

Alright, back to books.

2011-06-17T23:17:00.003+08:00

"It's a mind game, you taught me that.'

This could be my new theme song.

I think I'm suffering from a mild case of insomnia. I don't know what you even call it actually. Well, I do sleep but each morning I wake up I feel as if I haven't really slept, you know?I'm still dead tired, lethargic and things like that? It's like, my body's not rested enough and yet my mind's up and running 24/7. I feel frustrated with myself, it's like I'm tired and I can't get the rest I really need, what's wrong with me?

It's all in the bloody mind I swear.
Sometimes I ask myself whether it''ll be worth it but i know if I don't try then I'm definitely headed for a cliff.

Screw this shit seriously.

Well, I can see behind the curtain(I can see it now)
The wheels are cranking, turning
It's all wrong, the way we're working
Towards a goal that's non-existent
It's not existent, but we just keep believing

2011-06-12T22:05:00.005+08:00

The little things that still make sense

1) A wedding of a teacher who taught the 4 of us. She looked very pretty that night! & it was quite a new experience for all of us considering the fact that none of us have ever attended a hindu wedding before. Weddings are so beautiful, it signifies a new beginning for 2 people and I believe to get there, these 2 must really be meant for each other (:

2) Hello to a friendship still going on strong for the 7th year now.

3) People who make you laugh all day, over the stupidest crap and nonsense. Simple dinner and a walk around poking fun at one another actually keeps the stress away.
4)Random texts that kinda make your day. Really like it when you're so fed up doing whatever you've got to do (eg, tons of work) and then your phone lits up with a text that's so unexpected. I also think it's really sweet when someone you haven't talked to in a long time suddenly smses you to remind you of your existence in their life still. (:

It's the little things like these that keeps my sanity. Sometimes I feel just like, throwing my hands up in the air and let everything go, not caring or giving a shit about anything in this world at all. Frustrating much.

2011-06-08T21:33:00.002+08:00

Won't exchange for anyone else.

This is someone whom I love so much and won't exchange for anyone else in the world. After he sat down and had a talk with me, all my anger for the past few days have seemingly subsided. Could even laugh and joke as we talked. 7 days worth of anger and pent up frustration gone within 15 minutes. Only he can manage that. Maybe because we share the same temper and character, so he understands better. (:

Couldn't ask for anyone better when I've got the best already right?

2011-06-07T22:25:00.003+08:00

Fury. Rage.

Been in one heck of a bad mood in the past few days. I swear I haven't been so angry in a damn freaking long while, all the anger and rage is stuck in me I don't know how to let all of it out. It's been almost a week, record breaking for me cause I've never been so angry ( angry is a freaking understatement) for a continuous 7 days in my life. So much pent-up frustration seriously, just feel like screaming at so many people right now. Okay, maybe just two people.

Don't give me all the bullshit seriously. All the nonsense talk , cut it out. I'm not the one who needs it and get your bloody facts right before you try to give the talk at least. Because when you don't, you're just gonna get me more agitated and more upset and leave me raging mad even more than I was before. What do you expect when I'm being maligned, smile and laugh?

Oh please give me a freaking break.

2011-06-02T23:58:00.003+08:00

Who died and made you King of Anything ?

If there's one thing some people should do, that'll be to gtfo out of my life.
I don't need a bunch of arrogant fucktards interfering with my life or trying to judge me just because they have the ' upper hand' , FOR NOW.

Friends or anyone for that matter, close ones, related or not, once the line's crossed, idgaf who you are, I just can't bring myself to trust these people again. Natural instinct isn't it? NO amount of advice can make me change my perception of such people again because, I'm truly disgusted already.

Swear today's got to be the day I used the most vulgarities in my life, EVER. New side of me some have seen. Don't usually spout them, but thanks to some asshole that got me mad, and i mean FUMING MAD, CRAZY MAD, EFFING MAD, yeah. Just FO seriously. One day, you'll get to eat your own humble pie.

just wait and see, arrogant assholes.

2011-05-31T20:56:00.002+08:00

How?

So many things to do but so little time.

dont think i forgot

2011-05-28T00:00:00.002+08:00

Don't wanna lose myself

In the midst of so many things, sometimes I feel like I'm like, losing myself? Sometimes I really hate the situation I'm in. I try hard to keep my original self intact, I try hard to stay out of things I firmly believe is not right to do or comment on, because hey not everyone's perfect. I'm afraid I've changed but thankfully close friends still say I'm the...( and I quote) "retarded and gullible" old me.

I'm not a strong opinionated person, for those who know. I don't comment much or say much unless I'm asked to or when I really have to. Normally I go with the flow because I think it's easier that way, everyone's happier that way. I don't know why but it's just in me to think ( most of the time) how my actions or decisions will affect others. Though I know I've got so many people coming to tell me,' you can't try to please everyone'. True, I know that but it's just in me, I can't take it away.

Maybe it's because I'm so busy and tired nowadays, it's as if I really stopped caring too much for anyone or anything around me. & perhaps, it's also because I've already given up 'chasing' after some people, so done with this 'over-treasuring' thing ,I have literally stopped trying to take the effort to try to find out about their lives. It's sad to see these people drift away but I know I tried enough, they've got my number, if they want to contact me, they will in time to come.

Of course, I still try my best to be there for the people who need me. I just wanna say, to those facing a hard time right now ( especially closer ones ), for whatever reasons, I know that, anyone and everyone can try to tell you that,' hey things are gonna be alright, cheer up!' or whatever that may seem appropriate to say but in the end, you've still got to overcome all the obstacles by yourself. I can confidently say that, no matter how hard your friends try to understand the situation you are in, they will never ever feel the same exact ( shitty) way as you do, you would still feel alone somehow. Too familiar with this, considering the many times I felt this way last year ( for those who know what I mean...) Just got to be strong for yourself, pick yourself up and move on. Sure, easier said than done right? Again, trust that someday it will come true.

Long and tough journey ahead. Like I said, I don't know whether to be glad that the June (so-called) holiday is finally here. ( Oh god, anyway this week was such a drag, kinda unpleasant at some point of time too). But anyway, one thing's for sure this ' holidays'- tons of work to catch up on.

2011-05-21T13:52:00.003+08:00

From this moment on

5 more month. It's really scary.

Making sacrifices seem to be the 'norm' now. Saying ' Sorry I can't' becomes so increasingly often. Imagine, people I used to see so frequently are also now the people who I only see like, after approximately 2 months? Sounds a tat ridiculous, everyone's so busy leading their own lives. But, everytime I receive texts asking for a meet up, I'm actually contented my close friends didn't forget about me despite the situation i'm in! Was itching to attend today's BBQ/steamboat at D's place but decided to opt out of it, who's proud of me? (: Been adapting to adjusting my priorities ( for now) right.

Anyway, I guess it's my turn to give up ( not on myself of course!). Honestly, I've been trying for so long already and I think I did put in my best effort everytime I tried. Sadly time after time I'm being proven that my efforts have gone to waste or my effort is not treasured or needed. Tiring, drained, disappointed enough. So, it's my turn to let this go.

Something totally not related to the para above-Recently, the adults have been telling me I seem very happy-go-lucky and that they should start stressing me more. Honestly, I don't whether to take it as a compliment or should I be upset. Just because I'm almost always chirpy and talking nonsense infront of them doesn't mean i'm not stressed. I've got so much work that I don't even know how to complete them. I come to a point where I seem to be always doing something at a point of time but when I reach say, Sunday night and I realise I've still got so much work left uncompleted, I kinda become puzzled. What exactly have I been doing for the past week? Time just never seem to be enough. :(

Sigh. On the brighter side, June 'Holidays' about to begin in a week's time. I actually rather it not come. Kay, enough said. Have a pleasant week ahead everyone! (:

won't just hang around.

2011-05-15T21:19:00.009+08:00

What Seemed Like Yesterday (I)

Actually happened 4-6 months ago.
Wasnt my initial intention to blog about this, had something else in mind. Maybe another time.

& my heart heart heart is so jetlagged.

2011-05-14T09:38:00.002+08:00

Friday Nights.

Nothing beats spending time over a simple dinner with your old friends.

Another week gone. No idea what to exactly elaborate on. Recently, I've been listening a lot, to people's problems. Some of them, especially from one particular person kinda made my heart sink a little each time a story is told. I know I'm probably old enough to share this 'burden' with him, like how he shared mine for the past nineteen years but I kinda not know what to do as well.

Anyway it made me further conclude, no matter how strong a person may appear to be, sometimes he/she still needs a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on at times. And I really want to be there for all my friends, for all my loved ones when they need me. I know I wont be able to do much but I would definitely lend a shoulder or a listening ear or anything that's within my means.

Blah, something's been bugging me for the longest time but I'm slowly letting go, slowly giving up. So, anyway, I'm totally enjoying my 4 day work week! School should be like this forever!

2011-05-08T12:40:00.003+08:00

Sports Meet (:

We came in third for the 12x100 relay run, slashing our previous record timings by 7 seconds ( which we never did previously. Could only reduce it by 2-3 seconds everytime) Kinda awesome. During heats, we were second best in the whole cohort. We were fast, just that others were faster but it's okay! Did our best, even Mr Chua was happy since he was the one who trained us.

Because XY drew this on everyone's arm, after the whole event ended, I went to wash the paint off but only to find out my sunburnt skin had the outlines of the numbers XY drew. Kinda epic. Could feel so many people looking at me on the bus home that day, like puzzled why I had such a weird tanline probably.

So anyway, majority of my guy friends have enlisted into the army already! Felt a tinge of sadness, like everyone's separated from one another now, making it even harder to have meet-ups and all. BUT, I believe if a group of friends are sincere in wanting to keep their friendships going, they would make an effort to contact each other right! Hopefully. Close friends are so hard to find, don't wanna lose any.

Oh and just wanna say, GE 2011 was super exciting. Eye opener, really. & who says youngers these days are ignorant about the country's matters, they're getting more and more involved! You should have seen twitter yesterday night!

Alright,stopping here!

"You know, when you come to a point in a friendship or relationship where you’re constantly wondering where you stand in the other person’s life.. perhaps its time to stop standing alone, waiting, hoping.. and start moving on instead"

-Quote.

once or twice was enough and it was all in vain.

2011-05-02T12:22:00.003+08:00

Impromptu Fun

Experiment Fierce Facial Expression : FAIL

It's important to have whacky friends to spice up your life. Even doing the simplest things together makes me happy. Had my fun laughing my ass off listening to the guys sing Karaoke, I think Russ should have joined choir, be in Sopranos like me. Honestly never thought I would see this side of the guys and girls, it was cool (: At first, we were supposed to go to the beach and suddenly one phone call changed everything, we were heading to town, in beach wear and flip flops. Impromptu much? But still,it was enjoyable and I love these people so much!

The night before, yet again had another impromptu dinner date. Had a heart to heart talk, like we always do. I think I'm honestly a great listener, haha! It's like, come come, talk to aunt agony once more but I really suck at giving out advice and for that...I really feel apologetic. :(

Anyway! I'm totally loving all the long weekends.

No Monday blues yo! (:

Sick of all the insincere.

2011-04-26T21:07:00.004+08:00

Life and it's Uncertainties.

Future seems bleak, so full of uncertainties, I wonder how am I ever going to make it. I wonder what i'm gonna be 5 years down the road. I wonder what next year will be like. I'm still keeping my optimism though, trying my best at least. Everyday's the same old thing. Honestly getting quite tired from the workload, the tests and exams that just keep coming before everyone could catch a breather.

Recent talks by various subject teachers, heads of department were I don't know? Inpirational? Motivational? Plain Scary and maybe a wake up call. But I know, everyone's got to believe in themselves. If there's a will, there must be a way right? Will, determination, courage and optimism shall help me to get through this year.

Hurry up and wait
So close, but so far away
Everything that you always dreamed of
Close enough for you to taste
But you just can't touch

You wanna show the world but no one knows yours name yet
Wonderin' when, where and how you're going to make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face and the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you getting all kinda impatient
Waiting, we live and we learn

To take one step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly, or falling in love
It's gonna happen when it's supposed to happen
And we find the reasons why
One step at a time

You believe, and you doubt
You're confused, and got it all figured out
Everything that you always wished for
Could be yours, should be yours, would be yours
If they only knew

You wanna show the world but no one knows yours name yet
Wonderin' when, where and how you're going to make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face and the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you getting all kinda impatient
Waiting, we live and we learn

To take one step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly, or falling in love
It's gonna happen when it's supposed to happen
And we find the reasons why
One step at a time

When you can't wait any longer (you can't wait)
But there's no end in sight (when you need to find the strength)
It's your faith that makes you stronger (the only way we get there)
The only way we get there

Is one step at a time.
(jordin sparks)

Choices, consequences. Sometimes you make a choice thinking it's the 'right' choice then, everything felt great, perfect, just where you wanted and needed to be but years down the road, things change and you find yourself regretting, wanting to go back in time to undo that decision so that everything can go back to like how it was before, but by then...is it too late? Uncertainties in life can really drive one insane sometimes. Hmm

Nowadays, I really can't be sure of what i'm certain about anymore. Be it the things I used to believe in or really, just everything.

Not emo, just thinking.

2011-04-22T16:26:00.005+08:00

Sounds Like A Plan.

Oh man, looking at the photos above, I kinda want to go to Bali or the Maldives right now. Look at the beaches they have to offer, awesome or what? And not to mention, the villas there are so beautiful too! It's something for a change, away from the hustle and bustle of the hectic city life.

& I wanna go with a group of close friends! Recently,so many people are going overseas with their friends, makes me kinda tempted to also.....at the end of this year! Blah...we'll see!

2011-04-20T21:34:00.006+08:00

A Phase.

You know they say, during tough times, you see the true colours of the people you genuinely once cared for? How true, how apt a phrase.

I wonder if there comes a point in time in life where you start to doubt and question so many things around you, what seem so real for a moment may not seem so in the next. I kinda took a short break from like some people to breathe. It was a really short break cause' still... it was pretty easy to get me. Nevertheless, took time to think through past, recent events, wondered what could the possible reasons be, got upset, got over it, thought somemore, tried convincing myself, succeeded, failed and finally got enlightened.

Initially, I thought no one would ever be able to understand what I was actually going through. Until I sat down to talk to some people. And yeah, these are the people that managed to somehow find me when I didn't want anyone to. So, sometimes people do get tired of one another, from all the things happening around them, they naturally go into this hibernation mode. I just felt like I didn't want to care about anything in the world for that few days, just wanted to be on my own, do the things I wanted or needed to do, away from all the uneccessary stress that even the closest people are giving me, basically just get away from every single thing and everyone.

Maybe when people get really tired, they really let loose of themselves. Suddenly the world's perception of you don't matter anymore, you go wild, you dare to take risks and chances and just do whatever you deem fit and right. You kinda get enlightened too, no point being too serious every single time, no point trying to ensure everything goes right, no point caring too much. Just go with the flow and somehow, just trust that everything will be fine at the end of the day. That was the idea I got from the people I talked to. They're tired, they've went through a lot and by letting go of the nitty gritty pieces in life, they've actually become stronger.

One of the things that I learnt during this so called break, was to be thankful. Truly thankful for the people and things around I have currently. I'm happy with what I have currently. I'm thankful for friends who genuinely care about my well-being, did I mention my awesome awesome friends who would be more than willing to sit down with me on their weekend just so to see me/accompany me while I study? (: Not to mention concerned phone calls and messages to check on me, encouraging texts etc. Am honestly touched. I can tell those who really care, those who actually go the extra mile, even at times when I'm not-so lovable. Like for the times where I snapped( though rarely), the times I was frustrated and for the times I may just want to rant and rant and rant at everything and anything. Friends aside, family is important too. Trying to find more ways to spend time with my parents. Though sometimes they may not understand me, I know they care. And did I mention, Max is being uber cute nowadays. Or maybe I just did not realise this point until recently. I used to think my older brother was retarded whenever he let Max chase him all around the house, wrestle with him, tease the fat one until he got frustrated and angsty but now, I'm doing the exact same things. I hid his tennis ball away and got him to find it. Heh! Of course, I do miss spotty as well. He's just the best dog I could ever have, besides Max. Max is second. HAHAHAH.

Anyway to further elaborate on the points mentioned above,I guess if two friends wanted to keep a friendship going, nothing could stand in their way. As long as both take the effort to maintain it. Cause if someone loves or cares for you, they'll take the effort and time to make things work, they'll show you that they want you in their life. If not, ...you kinda know where you stand and where this friendship is heading to. So yes, I can tell. & I guess from today onwards, I'm not gonna try so hard to make sure everything goes right. I can't make everyone happy and so, I'll just try my best to do whatever I can. Trust everything will be fine at the end of the day, even if it's not, it'll pass eventually.

There's more to my so-called enlightenment but I see no point typing everything out here. So long as I know what it is, execute things right and not make the same old mistakes again, I guess it's fine, right? Heh.

I guess this is just a phase everyone's gotta go through at some point of their life. Life's never gonna be a bed of roses. But tough times do not last, tough people do (:

2011-04-11T21:56:00.005+08:00

Last Straw
For the longest time, I've been trying to figure it out, figure myself out. Many close friends have been advicing me out of it for the longest possible time but I just...refuse to listen. Or maybe I did, for awhile at least,before I gave in and therefore throwing myself back to where I started -square one. "All it takes is one moment of weakness to get you back to where you started" -B

I couldn't agree more with the statement above. So I gave myself a deadline, to clear my thoughts and the nitty gritty things. Well, the deadline's not up yet but I thought, why drag it further and longer when it should end like, right now? Yeah, so that's it. It's for the better.

I'm alright, not depressed or anything. But for the better good, for the sake of keeping it going for the rest of the year, I think it's a must to solve this problem of mine asap. Can't keep letting the same things drag me down each time right?

Mayern says, I've got to keep my optimism going, till August at least. Well, I think... I am pretty optimistic nowadays though my previous posts may make this whole sentence seem like a contradiction. Apparently, my optimism seem too much for someone I've known for...7 years. I can't stress more that though I appear to be optimistic, I'm also serious. Why don't believe me?:(

Previous posts were more of like, frustration I just had to vent out. I won't deny that, gosh...the frustration was really so much to handle, I thought I could almost burst a couple of blood vessels. For the record I actually did burst a blood vessel in my left eye a few weeks back but I don't know why or how did it happen actually. The blood clot though tiny,it looked quite gross and scary.

& though I think I figured this problem out, there's still some others lingering. But, I think...they might not be as bad. Just need more time on my own, away from the cause/ causes of all these things.

It's an important year. Can't afford to make any mistakes. Got to make things work, need to work towards my goal. It won't be easy, but there shouldnt be any giving up as well. Got to keep reminding myself.

Something totally random, damn!I broke my favourite starbucks tumbler today. I'm such a klutz. :( Oh yesterday was pretty awesome too. (:

2011-04-10T11:56:00.002+08:00

Walls up

Glad things went well.

Now, I need to take a break from many things, a little time of my own. Anyway I gave myself a deadline for something and if by then, things doesn't go as planned, then I know what to do.

So till then, break it shall be.

2011-04-07T21:50:00.002+08:00

Daily Dose Need my daily dose of happy pills to keep the optimism and drive going. I wish life had a ' Appear Offline' button sometimes. Not that anything major happened, just wished there was such a cool function in life.

2011-04-02T23:20:00.010+08:00

I think I need a Sunrise, I'm tired of Sunset

Moved my previous post to somewhere else because I figured out it would probably create more trouble if some were to read and misunderstand me again.

I really hate misunderstandings. They create a whole lot of uneccessary stress for me besides everything else, I've got to try to explain myself over and over again. Stop judging from the surface of things. Clarify before you assume. Sometimes I'm truly amazed, don't you know me enough to know what kind of person I am?

I don't know how to put what I exactly feel into words but I know I'm just really disappointed in some people. Sometimes, I really try to strike a balance, making sure I've spared a thought for the feelings of the people around me, consider all the consequences that could happen because I really want the best for everyone, want things to work out right so everyone will be happy, but really, sometimes I wonder if they'll do the same for me, spare the same amount of thought for how I might feel. No, I don't think so, sad to say. Sometimes I feel like the effort I put in have been taken for granted. I've been so fed up by the attitudes given, I think I just need a break from everyone, I'm just too tired to deal with anymore of this.

I'm just glad there were still some things that made me ~~happy~~ happier than I've been recently.

B & B made me feel like I could breathe again. However,I find myself on the verge of breaking down and stressed out sometimes and I wonder why. Then I recall, it's because even the closest people have failed to understand. This saddens me the most but maybe, I shouldn't put the blame on anyone. Cause it was probably unintentional.

I think I'm just tired. I need a break.

You don't know me, you don't wear my chains.

2011-03-26T13:29:00.003+08:00

Breathe.
Finally, I can breathe a little more now.

Blahhh.... sometimes I wonder whether feeling this way is worth it. There's so many things I wish I could do but it ain't gonna happen for sure, at least not for now. But somehow I have this gut feeling it's just gonna happen, I just don't know when. I hope I'm right cause I could really use some of it right now.

I'm not making much sense to you right?
Yeah, awesome.

Open up make a brand new start, I don't care who's stayed before

2011-03-18T17:36:00.003+08:00

Fairytales exist. Oh really?

Friendships are already so unpredictable, what more relationships ?Just saying. Heard so many horror tales from friends, their own experiences, experiences from their own friends. It's really getting scarier.

I think it's almost like a miracle finding someone who cares about you and who you care about too. It's like at that instant, your fates interwine and it's the most wonderful thing ever. But then, when it falls apart....

Relationships nowadays often come and go so easily, hardly seen many that actually lasted. & to those that do, really got to salute them, simply because everyone knows how hard it is for to keep something and someone so precious going.

So just like what the picture up there says, I really love seeing old couples... cause they kinda show you that somewhere out there, someone is actually capable of keeping it going for you. They're not going to abandon you when you need them most. Promises mean nothing if you aren't going to carry them out.

Inspired to write this post due to many reasons. Yeah, many many various reasons. Am currently hooked onto the song ' What Are Words' , it's really quite touching. Especially the story that comes with it.

Anywhere you are,
I am near
Anywhere you go,
I'll be there
Anytime you whisper my name, you'll see
How every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words,
They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

And I know an angel was sent just for me
And I know I'm meant to be where I am
And I'm gonna be
Standing right beside her tonight
And I'm gonna be by your side
I would never leave when she needs me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words,
They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
And I'm gonna be here forever more
Every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

I'm forever keeping my angel close

Sweet right! (:

' Don't take people for granted, no matter how much they love you, people get tired eventually'

2011-03-14T19:51:00.004+08:00

Expectations

Now I know why they say it's almost impossible. Simply because you already know you have your own expectations yet, it's not really up to you to expect any more.

Suck it up.

So anyway it's the holidays, right...

2011-03-12T08:19:00.002+08:00

Another one of those mornings

It's Saturday, 8 am and I'm awake. Not because I have to, more because I'm up thinking of things yet again. I really don't like this feeling at all, you know it's like this huge nightmare being on replay again, it scares me. I really don't want to go through this all over again, it drained so much of my energy and smile once. I don't think I need a second time.

And this coming week, we're in for a ride.
Sigh.

2011-03-04T21:02:00.002+08:00

Just A Dream

The release of the A level results was indeed an eye opener. I saw many people crying and these are the people that I know. It was really... I don't know how to say it but, it's just...sad cause I know the amount of effort these people have put in.

But I'm really proud of all of them as well! All of them. S12 and homies in particular.My idols! My inspiration! My Motivation!

I just really want to thank god for planting some people in my JC life. When I first came in, never really thought I could find so many pillars of support. I keep repeating the same old things in this blog, but just take it as i'm really proud and thankful to have all these people in my life in the most tortourous academic years of my life.

So, I just really want to say, THANK GOD for planting : Bangs, Beatrice, Mayern, Russell, David, Daphne, Abigail and Pascalle in my life. They gave me many advice today. Gonna take every single one of them seriously. & I am honestly a bit lost and scared without them by my side.
:( Was feeling pretty shitty and heavy-hearted today but things brightened up when with them. Fuuny friends I have! =D Also... not forgetting the TPJHomies- my extra strong pillars of support from Secondary School. Guess ...i'm just so lucky.

I've been ranting a lot in the past month or so in here because, let's just say it's been one of the worst months ever and ...the stress from everything was super overwhelming cause I let so many things affect me. So please God, there are still many things on-going and honestly, I'm still quite affected by all of it but there's also nothing I can do about it anymore...I tried my best, I just pray everyone will be more understanding :(

"you can't please everybody, so just do what you need to and don't regret"

2011-03-01T18:47:00.002+08:00

It's sad, so sad.

How coincidental that I typed out the previous post in the morning and by night, something bad happens. No idea why I snapped and walked away either. Maybe I'm just tired of people in a way, misunderstanding things before clarifying. Maybe I just reached the maximum I could go. Though I know, yes...some did it for my own good but can't they see why I did it in the first place? I had my own reasons, of course.

Honestly, I don't think I have reacted this way ever before. I mean, the walking away part. I felt bad after that. I know it's wrong, I should have contained my frustration and anger better but i felt helpeless too.Thankfully, on the way home... P called. Just in time, I needed someone to talk to.

LMA cheered my day up on Sunday night. Those encouraging texts, really meant a lot. Really thankful, just needed that form of assurance to face the days to come. Sometimes I really wished I was still on par with my closest friends.

Oh well. Life goes on!

2011-02-26T12:48:00.003+08:00

So Sick

Sometimes, you put in an effort to do something, for someone and at the end of the day, some people just don't realise it, they freaking take it for granted. So, I really quit doing all these anymore. Being nice is a good thing but sometimes you've got to stand for your own ground. Especially when people freaking take everything for granted when they don't even know what's going on.

Been too slow to realise this point. I'm just so freaking tired of all these. & no i'm not on some kind of emotional roller coaster ride. Just that, judging from many things that have become increasingly often and more obvious, I just don't wanna give a damn anymore. Give the attitude, be unhappy, see if i care.

It's becoming kinda hard to show my true emotions. As far as I can remember, I can only recall 2 friends who have heard me cry over the phone or have saw me cry because I was really sad during a session meant for ranting in the last two years or so. More often than not, ranting sessions for me turn out to be more of laughing sessions, somehow or either i just hold it in as much I want to let it out. I have my bad days in school but somehow, more often than not I kinda managed to laugh it off ,maybe because of the jokers I have around, maybe I just can't seem to express what I actually feel inside. Look, when I'm really tired my friends say I talk utter nonsense and say I look like I'm drunk. Irony huh, tired yet so high?

But sometimes, you don't want to act like you're all that tough anymore.

2011-02-20T21:06:00.003+08:00

Exasperating

God, I find myself coming to the same place to rant increasingly often these days. I don't exactly know why either. Maybe there's just too many things happening at the same time I just need a space to breathe. Yet I can't exactly form up proper paragraphs or even sentences to describe how I am feeling currently.

Recently, I've been getting sudden throbbing headaches and they often last through the day or so and it's quite annoying and disturbing. Must be the stress. Experienced ones told me to pace myself. For myself and not others, indeed.

I kinda miss the slow pace life in Australia when people actually have the time to sit on the vast pieces of grasspatch outside their homes to simply, stargaze? Well, we can't do that here. Firstly, they have probably a million of stars in the night sky for stargazing and we have....only a pathetic few. Secondly, we don't have vast pieces of grasspatches to even walk on much less lie on. I miss the beautiful beaches they have to offer there too. Clear blue waters, nice soft sand.... Gah, I just have a soft spot for beaches because I think they kinda give you a calming effect, like times slows down when you simply sit by the beach and watch the waves slowly crashing by, not to mention they're simply beautiful too.

The life we have here is simply too fast, way too fast.

2011-02-19T12:05:00.006+08:00

Unbeautiful

"There comes a time in life when you have to let go of all the pointless drama & the people who create it, & surround yourself with people who make you laugh so hard that you forget the bad and focus soley on the good. After all, life is too short to be anything but happy."

It's really sad and I mean really really sad when people start doubting things and people they always thought to be unquestionable. I thought having to doubt something constantly would be a tiring process to go through, like you live your life being suspicious of every single thing when life's suppose to be quite simple. Why the hassle of doing such a thing? So most of the time, I trust easily. Boy, I was wrong.

I've never really encountered such a thing before and honestly I don't know how to react so I'd rather not react to anything at all. World peace.

Some other things make me even sadder. It's disappointing when the people who should have known me the best are making me worry over for even the simplest things. The mutual understanding, where has it gone to?

Can't things stay simple?

2011-02-16T20:12:00.008+08:00

Cause DJ got us falling in love again

I think going to school has always been about meeting new people and how somehow, everyone comes together and be one big happy family. Well, kinda. Not that I like the initial awkward process that we have to go through first before becoming good friends but I must admit that in the past 12 years of my schooling life, I've met a a great bunch of people who eventually became an important part of my life. Some managed to stay on and unfortunately ( whatever the reason may be) some did not. & I guess, there are certain major reasons to why some of them really remained close to my heart.

Life in school nowadays have been really simple. Well, yes it's quite stressful too at certain points but somehow the whole stress 'thing' has been neutralised by the many friends who are around. There's like YT who frequently cracks me up, makes me laugh so hard whenever she starts talking, seriously. It's like another Pascalle, but worse. Talking about Pas, I miss her! Okay back on track, then there's like Val, who I just seemingly love to annoy. It drives her mad but I can't help it, I need to relieve stress haha! Then there's Eugene, who's damn annoying but funny at the same time. There's Kwan, whose funny in her own way, Pec, Beat, SH, SL, CT... yeah, our happy family, sort of.

But on the other hand, I really miss my J3 friends ( the graduated J2s) . Mayern used to say, I hang a lot on the past, like 'old' friends. It's true! In year one, relied a lot on Homies but not S12, in year 2, I relied on both Homies and S12. I guess friendships do get better with time, just like wine! Haha! The longer, the better. Sometimes I really wished they were all still in school for me to rant at, all of them felt like family to me honestly.

Finally, I have a picture of the 4 of us together.

& just recently, B just reminded me what I should be doing instead of the other things. Timely. Need to keep reading that message to remind myself. Indeed, close friends keep me sane enough.

Not forgetting yes, I miss Homies too! How can I ever miss them out? Twinnie, Annie...my frequent rants go to them from Sec 3 up till now. =X

And weird enough, I kinda miss the ' feel' of 2009, year 1 though it was a terrible year. Guess even in the midst of the bad times, there were good times that I still kinda liked.

Sometimes I've got this feeling that no one truly understands me anymore. Somehow. Maybe, it could be the stress. Or maybe, everyone's just caught up with their own life. It's hard to catch a breather. & I know, I've got to be stronger for myself because only I can make myself pull through this. There are many nitty gritty things that I have to resolve by myself because only then can I be truly happy.

Dear pent-up frustration,

May you disappear soon. I need some room to breathe and it doesn't help that you are making things harder than it already is.

Sincerely,
Cheryl

Life could be tough and it's hard to face each day with a smile, but I'll try my best to because they say, life's too short to be anything but happy right?

2011-02-15T18:36:00.002+08:00

I Quit.

It's been a mind boggling few days. Well not to mention kinda frustrating too. It's hard to concentrate, really. Totally not helping the situation, keeps adding more stress. Yeah, so I quit doing this.

Not the first time anyway.

2011-02-13T10:43:00.004+08:00

Turn It Off

Too many things to do, too little time. Feel as if I'm gonna drown in the pile of work I've got to do. Kinda tired, kinda sick of everything and wow, look where we're at only- February.

All my life i've been good but now thinking oh what the hell.

2011-02-10T21:04:00.002+08:00

Against All Odds

Sigh, I'm so confused right now. So many thoughts running through me and I don't exactly know who to turn to right now. :(

2011-01-30T10:44:00.002+08:00

Like falling stars

I kinda treasure my weekends like mad currently.

Nothing fantastic is going on in school currently. Okay maybe there's this hype going on in school because the new batch is here. Something's different about this year's orientation, feels like it's more properly executed and more planning has been done.

I can't wait for the long long weekend this coming week. Not that I really look forward to Chinese New Year because I find visitings awfully boring and draggy at times, so much so that my dad would try to make a getaway and bring me along. I just need this long break to perhaps take my mind off and maybe stay away from the things I don't wanna deal with for awhile.

Had a good heart to heart talk with my dad a few days back. He asked jokingly, "do you think I spoilt you to much?" Well...maybe a bit? Because I get almost everything I ask for. Then again, I know my limits, kinda. At least I don't go overboard. I think my Dad's super thankful that I'm not that kinda girl who goes for branded bags, branded shoes, branded clothes and all the what nots. At least for now, I'm not for all these. But whatever it is, I am thankful for the parents that I've got. I think I inherited more of my dad's genes though, temper and everything. Dad has been teaching my brother and I to be humble at all times and I think he taught us right. I'm contented with the things I have in life now & I love my Dad so much because he's just the best dad I could ever wish for, in every aspect.

Like falling stars over your head,
We were bound to burn out burn like crashing cars

2011-01-27T23:54:00.002+08:00

Psychological Barrier
There's this wall. You tried to get over it, countless of times but you just can't get to the other side. Instead, this wall just gets higher and higher after each failed attempt.

I think this would follow me all the way up till god knows when.
What's 'this' you may ask, don't think you'll need to know.
Just that somehow, I wish I could get rid of it fast.
It's tormenting.

Moodswing much eh these days? Haha.
Must be the weather or is it, really?

you don't always see the pain someone feels

2011-01-25T22:38:00.002+08:00

Good or Bad?
Sometimes I don't know whether to be thankful to have such a splendid memory ( not applicable to studies though, sadly) . I am able to remember down to little nitty gritty things at times. It's both good and bad you see. Good because well, there are things in life you don't ever want to forget. So, your memory somehow helps to preserve these good things in you, for you to look back and treasure. Then again, there are the other things you don't want to remember. Simply because, these 'other' things don't serve you any good, bad memories of all sort, pain, sadness and anger. But somehow, your memory just keeps them anyway. These memories haunt you over and over again and sometimes it just makes it harder to do whatever you're supposed to do in life.

Been feeling a tat moodier recently. Main contributor to this whole moody thing should be because of my lack of sleep or maybe not. I can't seem to really decipher what kind of mood I am in nowadays. It ranges from me being happy to me being frustrated, sometimes neutral and maybe sometimes a little sad. Mood swing much? To further add on, the different expectations are all coming in, it's getting kinda stressful actually & it's only January.

Currently trying to imagine what it'll be come like in the next few months.
Then again, better not.
I wanna stay delusional, just for awhile more, heh!

lingering question kept me up

2011-01-19T22:40:00.003+08:00

19th

I just got the most awesome 19th birthday celebration EVER. Really so grateful to everyone who put in effort to celebrate the day with me (: There are 3 specific groups of people I need to thank. S11 who celebrated it for me in the morning with a cute cake(I'll try to upload the picture another time) also the clique gave me the most epic hilarious present ever, the 4 intruders at my house in the afternoon and S12 at night. (:

I swear the 4 intruders at my house were damn adorable. Though I kinda knew what was up their sleeves, I still liked the pleasant surprise. & not to mention, they cooked lunch for me!(:>

Yay! So yeap! I'mma really happy girl(:

could have fallen in love~

2011-01-16T01:37:00.012+08:00

Pretty Pretty Please

2011-01-13T17:10:00.002+08:00

Have you ever tried so hard to forget something but they never go away? You tried to run away, you tried not to face it but only to realise, reality keeps coming back to haunt you. I thought it got better, I really thought so. Well, honestly it did. But there are just some things, inevitable to rid it off for good.

You just can't hold onto something forever. There comes a point of time I guess, you realise letting go means, you being happier. & in a way, life is too short to be nothing but happy right?

So anyway someone told me, the sweeter the better. Indeed, the sweeter the better, as much as it sounds so much like an irony.

& I hope Spotty is probably somewhere nice and enjoying himself right now. No pain, no suffering. I know he had to go, 15 years was all he had with me and it has been a good 15 years that he had given me. He actually outlived his supposed lifespan. Such a good and strong willed dog, I'll definitely miss him dearly.

2011-01-11T23:54:00.007+08:00

Enchanted

Star gazing was simply beautiful to do there.
There were probably hundreds of stars each night and we just laid there, talking about everything and anything.

2011-01-11T20:27:00.002+08:00

Since you've been gone

I still miss him.
& I still blame myself for not being there.

All the sorries I said, just came too late.
But I hope he heard me.

2011-01-10T21:56:00.004+08:00

Without him, the house is so quiet.
He used to follow me everywhere around the house and now that he's gone, I feel so empty.

I really love him so much and how I wish he could come back.
I wonder where you are right now, hopefully somewhere where there's no pain.

15 years flew pass like this.
I don't think I'll ever get used to him not being around.
I really miss Spotty so damn much.

So much...

2011-01-09T10:35:00.004+08:00

I don't know why I'm typing it here when I know he can't see it. Maybe to make myself to feel a little better by pouring it all out.

I'm sorry that I didn't make it back in time. He probably waited till he was too tired, he waited for three extra days. He waited till the plane took off. Exactly at 3.55 pm. I can't help but blame myself, blame myself for not being there in the last few days when he probably needed me. But I know my dad and mum did their utmost best to help relieve his suffering.

It kills me inside to know that I didn't make it on time to say goodbye. It kills me inside to see all the videos and pictures my parents took of him in the final days. It kills me inside to realise that, my companion of 14 years will no longer be around.

I hope he forgives me.
I hope he left knowing that I loved him so, so much.

I hope, he's in a better place right now.

& that I'm really sorry I could'nt rush back in time, I really tried.

2010-12-29T16:20:00.002+08:00

Shine a light

Countdown: 3 days.

I'm both excited and scared. Excited because it's gonna be one heck of an awesome experience and scared because, I've still got so many things to do. :(

Oh sad also because, I can't go with S12 for the trip.

Heh, been enjoying my holidays like to the max. It feels like the post O level period, where you literally had nothing to worry about. Keyword: Feels. Reality: A lot to worry about. :(

2 days left in 2010, how are you gonna spend it? ;D

2010-12-24T22:11:00.002+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

First and foremost, Merry merry Christmas everyone! Favourite time of the year is here! I liked all the christmas lightings and decorations put up everywhere (: Very pretty.

Time really past so fast when you're having fun. Sigh, once christmas is over, everything passes even faster. Soon before we all know, 2011 would have arrived. & I don't think I'm ready for it. How's it going to be like? I wonder... hopefully good of course.

2010 has been a tough yet easier year compared to 2009.
Just kinda thankful and grateful to have so many great friends and family around, with me.

& I believe, I'm about to get my answer.

Happy holidays everyone! ;D

2010-12-19T01:01:00.002+08:00

Oh my mama

I kinda realised, I got hell lots of things to complete this holidays but almost every single day since the holidays started, I've busy doing other stuffs.

Effectively, I've got 14 days left to finish whatever I am supposed to do. But nevertheless, I still can't wait for 14 days later ;D

Can't wait can't wait can't wait! (:

2010-12-18T00:12:00.003+08:00

Forever and ever?

I wonder if friendships are able to last forever? It's like no matter what you'll do, drifiting apart seems inevitable. Life just doesn't seem to stop for anyone or anything and it's really sad sometimes. For a moment, they could have been the best of friends but yet years down the road, leaving school and all, walking your own walks of live have somehow seem to have taken a toll on te friendship that once used to be so strong. Common topics become drastically lesser and the sense of familarity with one another somehow feels strange right now. Why?

As for my friends, the close ones that I have today, I wonder...in the months and years to come, the bonds we forged, would it just somehow disappear too?

Quite a random post but it kinda did set me thinking about many things.

Look at this photograph,
Everytime I do makes me laugh,
How did we get our eyes so red

2010-12-12T21:41:00.002+08:00

I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad

Christmas just around the corner!

I don't know why but this holiday is passing way, way , way too fast! It's like, *poof* its 12th December already. I've got so many things to do that I don't even know which exactly to begin from.

Been having lots of fun recently. Each day is something to look forward to, meeting up with old friends, catching up, laughing and treasuring each and every moment together. I would say that, the time was really well spent.

I guess it's true, so long as both parties are willing to put in the effort to sustain a friendship, it will definitely last, no matter where you are and whether both parties see each other often or not. Conversation topic seemingly won't run out when you meet your old buddies.

I don't know why but Christmas always gives me this really sad and melancholy feeling. Ironical but yet, Christmas is still my most favourite festival! (: Hope this year would be good one.

too close for comfort

2010-12-08T13:24:00.008+08:00

No Worries

Nice quote, I got it from a friend's tumblr.

Homies (: I think somehow yeah we're all lucky we ended up in the same place.

S12 (: Not full house in this photo though.

Now.

Then.

Fiona and Annie looked so pretty yesterday night! Loved their curls! Comparing the trio photo we took 2 years back and now, somehow I feel we've grown and mature even more. Okay maybe not mature, since we're still quite retarded and childish at times. Love them!

Guess I don't regret going yesterday. It took so many people to persuade me to go cause I was so hesitant about the whole thing. But I knew, deep inside I didn't want to miss hanging out and taking awesome photos with the people I love and well, who knows when we'll all meet again, right? So yeah!

Haa, heels are definitely not my best friend. Think I didn't learn from my mistake from 2 years back. Almost died in them again but this time, I had company! The three of us actually took our heels off and walked from dhoby ghaut mrt all the way to Clarke Quay ( no choice, no train service already) . Unglam much but who cares, right? ;D

2010-12-06T00:24:00.004+08:00

I don't want a lot for christmas...

There is just 1 thing I need (:

Make my wish come true

2010-12-05T23:28:00.003+08:00

After all these while

I remember promising a friend something about a year ago. I thought, I was doing well in terms of keeping to my promise for like a good 6 months or so. Sometimes I wavered but managed to pull myself back together in the end. After a good 6 months, I gave in. I am too fickle minded for my own good, I guess? But maybe, it's about time to go back, back to fulfilling my promise.

Recalled another friend telling me something recently. He said, sometimes things in life happen for a reason we may not be able to understand but somehow, we just got to hang on tight. (: True that. Everything happens for a reason. & though now I don't understand what's going on, someday it probably will. Someday, please come faster.

2010-12-01T22:10:00.012+08:00

We had a million questions about our lives

Feeling a little emotional lately. Must be the moodswings and all or is it, really? Guess only I really know the answer. If I were a superhero that had some special powers, it would definitely be the ability to send out emo vibes that could possibly kill a million bad guys or something along that line. Yeah, scary much. Especially tonight.

There's like a myriad of feelings that I'm experiencing, I don' know how to put them all into words. It's really confusing. So confusing I feel frustrated myself. Teenage crisis? Probably not or at least I hope not. I wonder if everyone goes through a stage in their lives where they don't know what the heck is going on. Wonder how he or she supposed to actually be like, feel like so on and so forth. Not that I'm wondering how I should be like, I am what I am, I don't quite plan to change for anyone else or follow anyone else to be like them. So nah, no identity crisis. But there's just this one feeling, I can't freaking sort it out. :( Really, really frustrating sometimes. It just keeps bugging me and bugging me and bugging me... & I really need to get rid of it soon because...I just have to. :(

Sometimes I think I don't know what I want. A lot of times actually. Won't go into specific details since I don't know who exactly reads this blog. Talking about my blog, gosh it's like 7 years old?! I wonder how I kept it going. Even my bloglink sounds so loser-ish kiddy-like. Now, if you don't know the whole story of how my bloglink came about then don't comment. It's got some significance to it okay.

Time passing really quickly. I was all hyped-up about our HongKong trip like...not too long ago yet,it's been so long since then actually! I can't believe like, in a blink of an eye, it's December already! Anyways, I think I didn't elaborate much about the trip here in the first place. Well, had really loads of fun! Practically shopped all day all night and ate all day all night. & the weather, totally awesome. It was like, so cooling! Pretty much like, walking in a fully air-conditioned country, whether you're indoors or outdoors. I like! Tiffany also like! Maybe some pictures would do the talking.

Continue another time I guess.
Need to sleep now.

Happens all the time now.

2010-11-28T22:31:00.002+08:00

Tonight

It's always like that isn't it? Like, when you expect something to happen, it doesn't. Then you get so upset and disappointed and whatever. However, the wierdest things can happen when you least expect them at all, you get caught off guard and well...you could be very happy or very sad after that as well. Most of the times happy I suppose, if it was what you ever wanted that came true.

So yeah, never hold your hopes too high cause when they don't come true, you'll fall really hard.

2010-11-24T20:15:00.010+08:00

The Baby Turns 8 18 (:

THE Birthday girl (:

The vain baby that every dotes on is finally 18. (: How timely, her birthday falls on the day where most of J2s got their new found freedom. Ha, so happy for everyone and the baby looked so pretty yesterday!

I like Selina's curls ! Hair why you no grow faster?!

Truth or Dare! Russell hit the jackpot! We totally altered the dare he had to do, totally different from the one he had chose. We came out with 10 super random words and his task was to call someone and use that ten super random words in one shot. Called David and while the nonsensical call lasted, we laughed our asses off because the conversation was just so funny.

Yay for S12! (:

2010-11-24T01:22:00.004+08:00

Because you're more than just that

Funny how people are willing to settle for things they don't deserve. Ironical much. They do deserve more than just what is being given to them. Simply gullible or naive?

I know I deserve more.
Much more!

2010-11-22T20:51:00.002+08:00

So eggcited.

& so, tomorrow half of S12's done and over with A levels! Woohoo! Can't wait for all the activities lined up. Well, supposedly at least. There's Universal Studios, Overseas trip, Cruise, Shopping date with my wife...Haha, I'm not quite sure actually. Hopefully, we'll be able to carry one out at least!

It's kinda scary. I have so many things I wanna do over the holidays but then again, due to time constraints and obligations, I really need to juggle my time well. Well enough, so that I don't stumble and freak myself out again. Blahhhh. This kinda suck.

Today was talking to homies in school. Hahaha, so eggggggcited for them too! They're almost done too and damn, I wanna go on a holiday with my twinnnnnieeeee and the others. She wants to go to HongKong as well. In hongkong, it's really mai dong xi chi dong xi, mai dong xi chi dong xi! Shopping, really good for the girls (: But guess that'll have to wait. :( & yay! Twinnie says, we can actually start planning for our holiday activities starting tomorrow.

With the A levels drawing to an end, well....I shouldn't hold my hopes too high... Confusing, really confusing. Sometimes I really wish it was somehow true. Would be so, so happy. But guess, nah, won't be anticipating for the fall.

2010-11-21T22:30:00.002+08:00

Some Kind Of Joke

Recently, I felt as if I was being put through some kind of a 'joke'. A joke that has no logic at all. Not even a single bit. Well, not surprising actually, judging from the party that was pulling this so-called, 'joke', like how I would like to say it, on me. Trust me, the 'joke' wasn't fun at all. Am still quite pissed with the people involved and would really love to give them a piece of my mind though I kinda already gave one of them but, whatever. Shan't waste my time and effort.

It's been such a hell ride. Coping with all the emotional stress and all. Did I mention, my dog was being diagnosed with an illness recently? Yeah, that was actually already enough kill me. I just pray, pray hard enough that it wouldn't have to suffer so much. Each time, I see those sad eyes gazing at me while I try to feed his medicine through a syringe, really pains me. He must be hating all the medicine that has to take, he puts up a struggle everytime. The only thing I could mutter under my breadth is,' here boy, it's good for you...you must take it okay'. Then I look at those sad eyes again, god. I just hope to give him a quality life, with whatever time that's left.

Been leaning on a couple of close friends recently, for emotional support. Tough times really do make you see the world and what kind of people are in it. Seen a couple of bitches and jerks, well...not really worth mentioning like how I would like to see it. Also saw some true and sincere emotions displayed by friends as well, which kinda made me really touched. Really simple gestures made my days bearable.

Then again, I get confused time and over again. Sometimes, what seems true to me may not seem true again the very next second. Guess I'm not making any sense if you've read till here. But yeah, some things I will never understand.

something into nothing

2010-11-03T23:44:00.002+08:00

Smile because it's almost over

Here's wishing all J2s who happen to chance upon this post ALL THE BEST for the A levels! Don't give up now cause you're almost there(;

Oh well, kinda have a myriad of feelings right now. Can't really explain it here as well. I don't know whether to feel glad or something else...and strangely, I'm not excited about tomorrow either.

Hope everything goes well. & I really mean, every single thing.

Take care everyone! (:

it's alright,just wait and see your string of lights still shine bright to me oh

2010-11-02T13:26:00.005+08:00

It's alright, life's a tough crowd

The below abstract, I got it from Friendster. Yes friendster, not facebook. God, it's been so long since I last went into friendster. Was looking through testimonials when I came across this epic thing Tan Shi Geng wrote, memorable though! Very memorable! Plus all the other testimonials. Really, how time flies.

The Homie's Club is founded in 2008. Currently with a membership of erm-i-also-not-so-sure.

Objective of the Club is to ensure that everyday is a party for us and that we laugh together, we don't sulk together. Because sulking's not allowed.Below are some rules and regulations:

1) No more sulking

2) No partying without the others(that's something i always do though =P

3) No EMO-ing

4) Try your best to be as spastic and as lame as possible.

5) Most importantly, have funMascot of Homie's Club: Space the index and middle finger apart from the fourth finger and the pinky. It should look something like this-- \\//

So, you game?

When I first read it, I was so amused. & now I can't stop laughing at testimonials that date back to 5 years ago. Our style of writing was so damn epic.

" I am shooo happieeee todayy."

Classic example.
What were we thinking at that time?

2010-11-01T21:34:00.005+08:00

Wasn't it beautiful when you believed in everything

Feeling like one of those days, cranky, emo vibes and all. I must be the most crankiest person on earth right now. The internet at home's being nothing but a bitch. Or maybe it's just my stupid computer. & the heat?? Damn global warming.People should just stop burning trees down for god's sake. & when I'm cranky, I do not like to talk, much less answer so many questions posted by people. I find it tiring and extremely frustrating, especially if you ask questions that are seemingly those none of my business kind or how-the-hell-should-I-know kind. Hence, I almost wanted to die during dinner. Yes, I was being spammed so many questions during dinner.

Now, see what I mean by cranky?

I'm usually quite patient and all, just not at such times.

But seeing colourful stuffs really do cheer me up a lot and talking to my daddy on the phone HAHAHAHAHA.

" Oh daddy look at that, very pretty right! Oh...that one also so pretty! Oh this one too!"
" Yah yah, all very pretty, money also very pretty"

Hahaha , dad so cute.
Mummy's sitting right next to me, shaking her head and laughing.

2010-10-31T23:52:00.002+08:00

Last Kiss

I still remember the look on your face
Lit through the darkness at 1:58
The words that you whispered
For just us to know
You told me you loved me
So why did you go
Away
Away?

I do recall now
The smell of the rain
Fresh on the pavement I ran off the plane
That July 9th
The beat of your heart
It jumps through your shirt I can still feel your arms

And I'll go sit on the floor
Wearing your clothes
All that I know is
I don't know how to be something you miss

Never thought we'd have a last kiss
Never imagined we'd end like this
Your name, forever the name on my lips

I do remember
The swing in your step
The life of the party, you're showing off again
And I roll my eyes and then
You pull me in I'm not much for dancing
But for you I did

Because I love your handshake
Meetin' my father
I love how you walk with your hands in your pockets
How you kissed me when I was in the middle of saying something
There's not a day when I don't miss those rude interruptions

But I'll go sit on the floor
Wearing your clothes
All that I know is
I don't know how to be something you miss

Never thought we'd have a last kiss
Never imagined we'd end like this
Your name, forever the name on my lips

So I watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep
And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe
And I keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are
Hope it's nice where you are
And I hope the sun shines
And it's a beautiful day
And something reminds you
You wish you had stayed
You can plan for a change in the weather and time
But I never planned on you changing your mind

So I'll go sit on the floor
Wearing your clothes
All that I know is I don't know how to be something you miss

Never thought we'd have a last kiss
Never imagined we'd end like this
Your name, forever the name on my lips
Just like our last kiss Forever the name on my lips
Forever the name on my lips
Just like our last

2010-10-30T12:03:00.002+08:00

& i'm dying to know

Kinda awesome that Taylor Swift's new album's out now. Her songs are somehow easy to relate to and they're really nice.

Life's been pretty simple in the last couple of days. Recently accumulated some good karma (hopefully) by giving back to the community & kinda realised how lucky many of us are. Simple things like being able to walk on your own, eat on your own and even talk, so many of us are actually taking it for granted. There are so many people out there who don't even have that privilege.

Was helping to pack tons of chinese new year cards with a couple of others about a week ago. Let's see, there were about 7 of us at that particular station and we spent like the whole morning packing but only managed to fill up a box full of ready-packed cards. It was a relatively easy task to us, the some of us put 5 different designed cards together before passing it to the guys to pack them into clear folders. I don't know how many times I blundered, resulting in my name called many times by the person next to me who was packing... oh well but imagine those people with disabilities packing, it must have been worse and so much harder for them, yet doing such things is like a form of earning them income. Yeah, so I guess all of us were glad that we could at least help them in a way. Seeing such a sight, it really makes one feel more humble, more contented with life. I wouldn't mind going back to help again honestly!

I think I've been really lucky this week. I was praying and hoping that...monday and tuesday wouldn't be that bad for me and all the things that i've specifically wished for, came true! Really awesome. Now i'm just hoping for the best!

I don't know what to say since a twist of fate, when it all broke down

2010-10-25T22:40:00.004+08:00

As we go on

Heart attack Day 1.
Well, at least it's over.

Just saw jermy's comment and felt a little sad all of a sudden! Didn't manage to include everyone in the previous, previous post. Had more but those were the more immediate ones. So many ,so many people I'm gonna miss :( So gonna miss jermaine too, my pretty pretty dear soprano 1 section mate (: She's the one I'm closest to and who would brighten up choir practices, for me, together with the playful and bubbly Year One Sops.

Paired up together during concert, for the musical and we had to act like total bimbos infront of the whole audience. My heart almost dropped out, I swear. To add on to that anxiety I remember, I sounded almost like a guy that night yet I had to try to sound as girly as possible.

C:Omg omg, where's my mascara, i can't find it i can't it!
J: Don't worry! It's here!"

Will probably never forget that! (: Come to think of, how did we ever manage to pull through that? Each time I look back, I kinda want to find a hole to hide! Where's my mascara where's my mascara...so not me LOL. Oh well, but wont deny we all enjoyed ourselves very much that night! (:

2010-10-24T21:25:00.003+08:00

Like a house of cards

This year, can I see my rainbow, the one after the rain?
I really hope so.

2010-10-22T22:52:00.023+08:00

Memories captured and kept, I just had to take them for remembrance (;

I really wanted to do something meaningful for each and everyone of my close friends, I couldn't think of anything besides writing a card to each of them. (: Spent like, really a lot of time and effort designing the cards and thinking of what to write. I really wished I could have made the cards nicer and really apologetic to those that didn't turn out exactly nice, but oh well.... I'm not exactly good at art. :( Heh, but i'm quite proud of myself though, I lined all of their names out using strings and oh god...it was hard thinking how to exactly join their names together! Really hope they'll keep the cards well! (:

The hard work was really worth it! I was so happy when I passed them the cards personally!

Seeing their facial expressions and all when they received the cards was kind of a happy thing for me (;

I totally like letters!

4E Homies

I soooo like this photo! Everyone's smiling, even Soon! HAHA! & I have no idea why somehow we're lined up according to height. Well,don't know what to say exactly either, but...I really really am very thankful to have this group of people following me to the same school. They've been my pillars of strength, my confidante and everything I needed them to be (: Without them, honestly...I wouldn't know what life would have been for me in the past two years or so. I'm so glad that we didn't drift too far away from one another.

I love you guys (: & I'll miss you guys very very very very very very very very much.
Gahh, I'm tearing already. :(

Soon, my funny friend. I wanted him to pose with the card I gave him but he die also don't want to! But i'm still happy nevertheless. Firstly, at least he's making the effort to smile in the photo. LOL. Secondly, when I passed him the card I told him, ' Soon! You must keep the card properly okay! I spent loads of time doing it!' In which he replied,' Yeah, i can tell! I will keep it well, thanks a lot!' (; I'mma happy girl! Haha. Arguing with Geng. He couldn't recall I wrote each of the 4E homies a letter back in sec 4. So angry!! HUIHOON! Hahhaa, what more can I say? I love her ttm! (:

Last but not least, my twinnnnnieeeeeeee (: Love her though she likes to trick me from time to time and I would be gullible enough to believe her. RAR.

Sadly, couldn't take more photos with all of them! Really wished we could. Oh well, but there's always next time right? (:

S12 mini photoshoot

Russ and David! My two TK buddies I had with me when we first stepped into our new class!One, my friend for 6 years. The other, known him for 12 years now. Was so thankful cause at least there was some form of familiarity to the totallly new environment!
Two of my bestest girlfriends (; I'm so glad, despite everything in the past year or so, we haven't exactly drifted. (:

Hello, this is my one and probably only friend in the school that can make me laugh till my stomache would literally hurt almost everytime by doing a minimal amount of actions. Imagine, she could send me laughing my ass off just by merely walking towards me with that epic smile and facial expression and even the way she smses tickles me a hell lot. Can't help but love her!
Heh, love these two as well (:
We wanted to do a little mini photoshoot, well...so that I can keep it for remembrance sake and something I hope everyone can look back in time and smile when they recall such moments!

Heh, I like this photo!
All smiles!
Did a series of jumpshots and I think it's really very nice! All of them should just change it to their profile pictures or something! I predict Russell will! Right, Russ? Talking about Russ, after coming to this school, in the past two years or so, I really have changed my impression of him. It's a good change. Thank you for letting me see a totally different side of you Russ! I am honestly, totally impressed. (: Can you believe it, in the beginning of last year, practically the whole class' girls were afraid of him besides me. -.- I was the only one who dared to argue with him while my girlfriends practically looked at me in awe. ' Omg, you dare to talk to Russell like that?!"... I still clearly remember. Sigh, dao russell. Very very dao russell.

Beat looks nice!

So does Rach. So does Bangs.

Abi too.
The class of S12 wasn't what I expected it to be like but it really did allow me to meet a bunch of awesome, awesome people who has made my life in school much more meaningful. Congrats on graduating, I will miss you guys a lot. I really can't imagine life without them, they've been such great emotional support to me. Really, a lot.

Push on guys, just a little bit more!
Don't give up now.

On the other hand, I can't believe my girlfriends are so brave. Omg! They dared to and I didn't dare :( I wanted but was too scared to. ARGHHHH! It was like that in Secondary School and now in JC. Fml! I keep telling them when they were hesitating ,' you will regret more for the things you didn't do rather than the things you did years down the road.' and yet, i can't do it myself. HAHAHAHAHHA. damn it.

The minute we left, I regretted. :(

cause baby you're like a firework

2010-10-21T00:01:00.002+08:00

Cute much( the picture) .

Thanks to E , now everyone's calling me a bear instead of duck. Why bear? Inside joke. & anyway he said I looked like one as well. Asshole. I was so annoyed, so I went around asking people if i really looked like one. & I just realised, many of friends are such an ass. After coming to JC, I have all sorts of variations of comments on how I looked like. Some of which are super puzzling, I still can't figure out why.

E: Eh bear, why your face so red?
Me: Really meh?
E: Yah.
Me: cause i'm a radiant bear! ( rEdiant)
E: Radiant ......my ass!

R: Bye duck.
Me: you know all my friends call me bear now? :( Do I really look like one? Okay, shut up don't say anything.
R: Hmm...actually come to think of it, you do look like one. HAHAHAHA. Bye bear!
Me: ... ...

Why do i have such asses as friends?HA! & Apparently a lot find it very fun to disturb me. I don't know why. Zzz.
Oh well, but life's good like that. All the joking with one another and stuff. I like!

Two more days...sigh.
I wonder how it's gonna be like. I hope I don't cry :(

Slow goodbye.

2010-10-19T22:05:00.002+08:00

Pressure

I can feel the pressure, it's getting closer now.

Past two days have been major ------_------ . Oh well, I have no idea what adjective to insert but more of less, that emoticon described my face during that whole span of time. Kwan said my facial expression looked epic when I came down from the stairs yesterday. Couldn't help it. To begin with the whole thing, I was feeling already very -.-. With all the things we had to do, it was double -.-. Seeing certain things was -.- x 3 and the ultimate came when someone stained my skirt with of all things in the world, marker ink. Not on purpose obviously, accidently. But I couldn't help but be cranky. By then, it was -.- x 100000.

It's been a pretty depressing two days.
3 days left.

in a sea of people,

2010-10-16T01:30:00.003+08:00

To let go and carry on

Been pretty upset in a way, seeing certain photos on FB. It's not the angry-upset kinda feeling, more like the sad-upet kinda feeling. It's a feeling most wont be able to comprehend anyway. Oh well. Suck it up Cheryl.

Was talking to a friend and this friend, I swear, he amazes me at times. I was literally laughing as I read the conversation from the screen.

'Just come la and stone, blend into the environment.'
'Or how about, eh you dress up as the cashier lah'

Stupid ideas being brought up but funny at the same time. My first time having a friend asking me to dress up as a cashier just because I'm bored. So nice to have crappy-funny friends (: Life's good at times like these.

2010-10-13T23:03:00.002+08:00

Back to December, all the time.

Was back at my all time favourite place. I don't know why but it's just so soothing to be there. Recalled last year, late November I just had to escape from all the chaos to take a breather. Guess where I went to? Some managed to guess I was there. Hopefully, there won't be any such reason to go there to unwind yet again. But if any case, this should be the place I go to when I'm very down (:

Sometimes, life can be so dramatic. I feel like I'm in a what? 20 episode Korean Drama sometimes and at times, I feel like I'm in a 3000 odd plus episode Taiwanese Drama (that freaking never ends -.- ) Standing here right now and looking back at the many episodes of my not-so-long-bittersweet life, I really don't know how to feel. Often, I really wish I could go back and rewind certain parts of my life and make them right yet, sometimes I just wanna hit the ' fastforward' button and forget the past. Yet, life itself doesn't have such cool functions. Someone invent a time machine please, it's about time already.

Then again, it's not the years in your life that count, it's the life in your years that's important. I hope mine's gonna be a fulfilling one.

These are not actually what I wanted to type. I just can't find the right way to type the thoughts in my mind out. Will blog again when I got it all sorted out (:

will go back in time time to change it, but i can't.

2010-10-12T19:26:00.003+08:00

Need a little more luck than a little bit

Funny how people like to read horroscopes, the slips of papers in fortune cookies and rely on little signs they deem to be signs of hope or luck. It's like, all these things are a form of affirmation everyone needs from time to time I guess? & sometimes, miraculously or perhaps, coincidently, these things we rely on to determine our days really work!

How about, ' Life's gonna be good for you this year, especially this October and November' ?I think really need it!(:

Been really moodless these days.
Actually not that much of moodless but a lot of fear within.

Well, enough said.

2010-10-09T13:01:00.003+08:00

Living in my own world(:

Something I realise recently; I'm really very oblivious to my surroundings. If I'm happy with all the current things and people that I have by my side, I really tend to stay super contented and I won't bother to go find out more about other people's lives or their gossips. Especially if I don't even know that person personally. So you could ask me,

" Eh, do you know this person..."
" Huh, who's that! Never heard before."
" You sure know one! There that one!You know...he/she in so and so CCA"
"Who?!"
" The very very tall one!"
" I still don't know which one luh"
" The person's class so near yours, you sure see before!"

* Coincidently, the person walks past*

" There that one!"
"Huh, I never see him before eh."

Agitated response 1: "Omg, Cheryl you suck!"
Agitated response 2: "Cheryl, you serious?!'

So yeah, next time if you want to try describe someone to me, best and fastest way is just to show me his or her picture. Don't tell me, the very tall or short one or whichever prominent physical trait the person may have because most likely, I still wouldn't know who you're talking about! Blur much but it's true and I really can't help it =X

Saw this phrase somewhere,
"I really hate it when people say I look miserable when I'm just sitting there. Do I need to paint a smile all the time?!"

Hahaha, I find it so funny cause it was so applicable to me like, a few years ago. I heard the " eh, don't emo" phrase probably a few hundred times a year. Sometimes, I really wasn't emo-ing! Sumpah. But...think after awhile I got used to this phrase, so...whatever!(:

Recently, many people told me that they've never been so stressed out by studies in their lives before, not until they arrived in JC. Well, that's simply because JC is an extremely important stage in our lives. In primary school, you knew that even if you didn't do well enough to go to a top-notched secondary school, you still had a chance to study in a secondary school. In secondary school, you knew that you could either choose the JC route or Poly route. Plenty of choices available for you out there. You still had a chance to path your future carefully. But then it became different after you chose your path. So, you chose the JC path. & in JC, it's either you make it or break it. It's important because it determines your life and you don't have that many chances to play around with anymore. So when I study while listening to the radio and I hear primary and secondary school kids song dedicating, telling the DJs how it sucks to be them because they have so much homework to do and so much to study for, I really don't know whether to laugh or cry, wait till they freaking try the JC route...HAHA!

2010-10-07T22:19:00.014+08:00

Who Will I Run To

You just got to know that I'm so tired currently. Totally exhausted. Been one hell of a ride. But have been really touched by a certain few groups of people. Today, I was on the brink of giving up, until came a gang that really cheered me up by what they said and how they said it.

There are indeed certain people in your life that you know who are there to stay when you need them. &....really am thankful for them. I'm sorry if I missed out some pictures,there should be more, really, but because my eyes are already on the verge of closing and I'm too lazy to search through the folders to find more photos =/

Without them, I wouldn't have lasted.

Now I'm waiting to take my mini ' photoshoots' (:

Hang on , hang in for the ride of your life

2010-10-05T19:14:00.003+08:00

Catch your wave (:

I'm barely surviving.
I almost died today.

Please allow me to have the strength to the face the next two days of my life.

I swear when I'm super stressed, I do crappy stuffs.
Was so stressed when my Ipod changed to " I quit I quit I quit " so I started singing along with it unknowingly. Until...

"Cheryl!! Can you not sing such songs like, right now!?"
I heard this.

"Hahhaa...oh yeah huh."

I quit I quit I quit......nauuuuughhhht! (:

If.

2010-09-29T22:04:00.003+08:00

I wish, I wish, I wish

I have no idea why I feel so relaxed right now when so many times at school today I was literally on the verge of pulling out all my hair. Stress much.

Actually I think stress is currently already an understatement.

Today, besides the stress and all I still managed to keep myself pretty high ( surprisingly ). After school I was happily talking with a bunch of friends at the cafe, talking about how saturated we all are already. & then I was saying,

" If only we have 4 brains, it'll be so perfect right? One for each subject...better storage."
Then I got more excited as I continued (HAHA)

" Oh, then like say if the day of the chem paper, i'll just bring my maths and chem brains into the hall to do the paper...awesome right?! and if it's Econs paper, I'll just bring my 'humanities' brain on that day...and..."

Until my friends laughed and went,

"Yah okay cheryl, stop stop. You know that ain't gonna happen."
* SULK*

But really, my brain is hurting already. INFORMATION OVERLOAD.
Sigh. Although I'm really scared right now of everything that's about to happen, I should just keep the faith yea?

Ain't gonna give up now.
& quitting's out of the question.
Keep the faith, keeping my faith.